The Alter of the Lord

This last week in Jerusalem, I would have returned from my field trip to the Valley of Elah. This field trip was particularly hard for me. Just as David faced Goliath here, I faced my own Goliath. The story is there for you to recount or read if you haven't before. Needless to say, it was probably the second most trying day during my study abroad, but the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Just weeks before I left for Jerusalem, this choice weighed on my mind. While in Jordan, I sunk to my knees in desperate prayer to my Father in Heaven. I placed my decision

on the alter of the Lord and I pleaded to know what to do, confused about the situation at hand. While on my knees I realized what I wanted and that was my agency. Hard as it was, I came to my decision there. The following week, the night before my field trip, I put this choice into action. 

Using a sling and stones like David

Sometimes God asks us to sacrifice what is most important to us. Sometimes, it is a matter of faith and putting our trust in him. As it turned out, this devastating choice of mine didn't pan out how I imagined it would. It truly seemed to be a matter of trust and obedience, as it was confirmed to me in a blessing that I had made the right choice.

God asks hard things of us. But he only asks those things that he knows we can do. And really, if you think about it, with God we can do anything. With that in mind, God only asks of us those things which he is willing to help us achieve. These tests of faith help us increase our relationship with God as we learn and grow in knowledge and spirit; we must simply act.

As we take our most precious things  to the alter of the Lord, and sacrifice them, in His name, the blessings come. It isn't until we turn our whole being over God that we are able to serve in his name. After submitting our will to his, it is then that he can truly trust us.

By Example

Looking back at my year in the Holy Land, one of my favorite times was  leaving there to go to Jordan. I've told you about Petra by Night and my experience riding a camel but more than my trivial adventures, I found Jordan to be a place of opportunity.

I got to spend the four days there with a new roommate. She was half the reason Jordan was so great.  She is one of the nicest, sweetest girls I know. More than that, I learned so much from her. As we embarked on this journey together, she was always by my side, making sure I wasn't left behind. We ate meals together and talked in our room. We our class went out, she would like her arm in mine, I admired her happiness, grateful for her new friendship. I learned a lot from her. As we arrived at the hotel the first night, she asked if I wanted to have roommate prayer. From there we proceeded to alternate morning and night and pray together. She was such a strength and example to me.

We should constantly be striving to be examples and lift and strengthen others. I told you how I felt bound and chained, unable to speak of my religion, but often found opportunity through song. This was no exception. The second half of my trip to Jordan was spent in Amman. The last night there some friends and I went out to rainbow street. On the way back we ran into more people from our class who were listening to some locals singing and playing guitar, something my teacher had raved about. It was fun to join in as we all sang with them. I didn't know most of the songs, but it's not something you get to do every night.

The best part though, is to say thanks, we all turned around and sang Nearer my God to Thee. I found it interesting that some of the locals in the crowd filmed US! I'd never been on that end before. It was neat to be able to share this small message; a common Christian hymn. But it was a step. A small moment to share the truth that we had. An opportunity.

Living in the Bible

Just two days ago, last year, I returned from a field trip to Jericho. Jericho is mentioned several times in the Bible. According to Deuteronomy, it is "the city of palm trees". It is indeed a city of palm trees. 

This was the first trip where the Bible really started to come to life for me. It is where we wandered around the Judean Wilderness, across the desert land. The hills, the dirt. I could see the people, Israel, lost for 40 years. I watched Christ make the 8 hour walk from Jerusalem. I saw him meet Zacchaeus there (Luke 19:1-10). I lived there, with the tribe of Benjamin. Being there, it just felt... real. I became apart of the stories of old.

Not only that, but that is what marked the true beginning of my journey. I often wonder when Jesus realized he was the literal son of God. And then, when did he realize all that it entailed? We know that Christ learned grace by grace, just as we do. The weeks prior to this trip, I was being introduced to my call. As I allowed myself to be filled with the spirit of the stories of Jericho, I began to write my own story. 

Returning from the Holy Land, I came back with my own history, my own mission, recorded for my posterity, and recorded on here, for all those that might benefit. It is a small thing for me, to testify of Christ in a place that few people but those who know me visit. But, it is grace by grace, that I do so. Here first, and then other avenues will open up, and they will continue for the rest of my life.

For some people, it is hard to make the Bible real to them. It is dense, especially in the Old Testament, and can be hard to get through. As I visited the sights of the Bible in my four months abroad, I wasn't just there, seeing them. I was absorbed in them, their history, their stories. I was living in the Bible.

Peace, Be Still

I speak often of my experiences in Galilee, as that is where I grew close to Christ. Though I did not need to travel the thousands of miles to increase spiritually, there are some things that you just don't know unless you're there. You can't understand a New York ice storm unless you've experienced it. Likewise, you don't understand the sea of Galilee unless you've been there.

Most often the sea of Galilee is depicted as very placid and calm. And during the day it is a true depiction. It is serene and undisturbed. That is, unless there is wind. After class on the fourth day in Galilee, my class had a free afternoon. Most of us ran outside to swim after lunch, however, it was a rather windy day. The waves came up in great swells. A few friends and I were brave enough to wade into this threatening water. There were ropes that prevented us from going too far out, the water didn't even go above my head. But, as we swam to the edge, attempting to body surf, the waves would scoop us up, tossing us about until we reached the shoreline. So close to the shore, but so powerful were the waves.

In Mark 4 we read about Christ calming the sea.

 37 And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.

 38 And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?

 39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

 40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

The apostles are often chastised for their lack of faith. But the reality of the storm was daunting. For the sea, so calm under the protection of day, begins to change as the sun sinks below the horizon. 

As I sat on the beach late at night, the waves were far greater than during the windy day I swam. Each night, great whitecaps would crash across the water; a sound that could be heard all through the night. And that is a calm night in Galilee. How terrifying must it have been?

But so, as Christ calmed the water, does he not calm our lives as he whispers to us in the midst of despair "peace, be still". When we lack faith, does he not remind us that he is ever near us, guiding us as we walk through the trials of life? Just as he did with the apostles, he calms the storms in our life.

Fiery Furnace

It’s strange to think that a year today I boarded a plane to  Israel. I knew I wouldn’t come back the same. But I never anticipated how much I would change. Going to Israel turned into one of the greatest blessings of my life. But, it was one of the most trying times I have experienced. Everyone has trials in their life, for me, they started the day I got there. Starting out simple at first, but ever increasing. 

As I studied in Jerusalem, I increased in knowledge and strength. The more I learned the more I tried to act upon that knowledge. I created goals. I sought to align my will with God’s. I spent many hours on my knees counseling with the Lord as to how I should proceed each day. The blessings that came were great. I grew closer to my Father in Heaven and Savior than I ever had before. I was guided and directed each day. My eyes were opened to the hand of God in my life and I was spiritually strengthened. But, there is opposition in all things.

While I continued to become stronger in God I began to feel the power of the adversary trying to shake my faith. With each blessing came a trial. And, with each lesson from God came greater accountability and expectation to continue growing in my faith. I had entered the Lord’s fiery furnace as he began to shape me and perfect me. 

In my study of the scriptures I have learned that God is constantly stretching us. As we stretch to our limit we grow. We never stay stretched out, but the next time, we can stretch a little more. That was my experience. I was stretched until the hand of God was the only thing that kept me going. I learned what it felt like to be carried by the savior until I could stand on my own again. When that time came, I was not left at the spiritual peak that broke me, but I was left far better than where I started from.  And then I came home.

It is a constant uphill battle for me as I try to regain the spiritual high that I came to know. I long for something better than what I have; knowing the possibilities.

But I can feel the gentle hand of the Lord telling me I am not ready yet, that I am still recovering. Still, I know, that when we face the fiery furnace of the Lord we are strengthened in all things. We may not always understand the trials of our faith, but they are for our benefit and what great blessings they truly are!

Why I Left

Going to Jerusalem was one of the greatest experiences of my life. It is a time that I hold dear in my heart. I told you Why I Went now I need to tell you why I left. No, it wasn't because the semester ended. It wasn't because I didn't have the money to stay. It was for no other reason than because I needed to.

I have walked where Christ has walked

As my journey was nearing its end, I still had no idea why I was there. My entire time in Israel, I felt connected to the city of Jerusalem. I fell in love with the city, the cultures, the people. I fell in love with what I was learning and the experiences I had. I wanted nothing more than to leave my old life behind. To stay and continue learning. I struggled with the thought of coming home, right up until I got on the bus to leave. All around me, my friends and classmates were eager to return to their families, to return to America. I felt alone in my desire to stay forever; and I didn't even know why I was there.

Within the last two weeks of the program, I finally received my answer. I had desired to know my purpose in Israel in order to fulfill it, but I realized that wouldn't fulfill anything at all. As recognition slowly rolled over me, I realized that I needed to leave. For me to accomplish my purpose for going to Jerusalem, I needed to leave my beloved city. I finally realized that in my blessing before going to Israel, I was told why; "to proclaim my knowledge when I returned home". And everything hit me. God had directed me to Israel because I would have experiences that no one else would have. I would go to places that few people would have to opportunity to go to. I was given the ability to have these experiences so I could share them with the world. And that, was something I had to come home to do. I didn't need to know why I was there, while I was there. I just needed to know before  I came home.

But, more importantly, I walk as He walks

That is why I continue my blog. To document my experiences with the hopes that someone will stumble upon my humble record and find value in my words. I seek to share my experiences whenever the opportunity arises. I know that throughout my life I will be able to share these precious moments with my family and in my church callings. But this is not enough for me, I will continue to do all within my power to share the truth of Christ and the reality of his life and death. For he lives and I am his messenger, foreordained, to carry his message to the world.

Why I Went

In my first post I told you about My Dream. Going to Israel was something I had dreamed about since I was 14. It was a dream, though, because I never thought it would happen. Little did I know, that was a call from God. He planted this seed of desire in my heart early in my life.

As I continued in my life I would tell everyone who asked that if I could go anywhere I would go to Israel. I would joke with my dad that we should take our next family trip over there. And then, my freshman roommate talked to me about how she thought it would cool to go to the BYU Jerusalem Center; and a light switched on. I realized, I could do that. A few months later in October of 2012, the mission age for girls was changed from 21 to 19. As I prayed to know if I should serve a mission, I was instead pushed in the direction of Israel. So I looked into it. I began talking with my dad who agreed to pay for half of the expenses. Still, that left me short quite a bit of money until I was given the opportunity to work all summer at a summer camp. Literally, everything fell into place and that's when I knew that this was my call from God.

Prior to leaving on this journey, I received a Priesthood Blessing of counsel. In the blessing I was told that I was being sent to Jerusalem. As I traveled to this foreign land, I kept this in my heart to try to understand exactly why God wanted me there. I quickly became absorbed in classes, friends, experiences, etc. and I had no idea why I was there. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind, but I continued to wonder. 

While in Galilee, I felt prompted to seek for another blessing from a friend. What an amazing experience it was. And there the Lord manifested His knowledge of my desire to know. I was blessed to know my purpose there and why God sent me. This added fuel to the fire. As I continued to study and learn and pray, it was all with the intent for this to be revealed to me. With just weeks before I was to leave my new home, I was desperate. I feared that I would not be able to accomplish my purpose. How devastating that would be.

 I had traveled some 7,000 miles on an errand from God. My total time there was four months, and my time was almost up. My time was up and I still didn't know why I was called to the Holy Land.